"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now" (P.T. Barnum, 1890).
"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito" (African Proverb).
"As rain breaks through an ill-thatched house, passion will break through an unreflecting mind" (The Dhammapada).
"Your health comes first; you can always hang yourself later" (Jewish folk saying, The Joys of Yiddish, by Leo Rosten)
"To have beauty is to have only that, but to have goodness is to be beautiful too" (Sappho, 6th century B.C.)
"Reading gives the vivacity of youth even to old age" (Isaac D'Israeli)
"A room without books is a body without a soul" (Marcus Tullius Cicero)
"There's an old Soviet saying, 'When you chop a tree, the chips fly'" (Vladimir Posner, speech, 24 September 1990).
"Wars are fought because of the desire for power which greed and ambition inspire" --Thucydides (Edith Hamilton, The Echo of Greece, pp. 73-4)
"Thought is a lady, beautiful as jade" --Charlie Chan (Earl Derr Biggers, Keeper of the Keys)
"Learning which does not daily advance, daily decreases. Myself, I am fond admirer of study. He who listens to the chatter outside the window, and neglects his books, is but a donkey in clothes" --Charlie Chan (Earl Derr Biggers, Keeper of the Keys)
"If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?" (Great Impoderables e-mail).
"Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them" (anon).
"If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong?" (Dennis Miller).
"If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide....is it considered a hostage situation?" (Dennis Miller).
More from Dennis Miller:
"Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?"
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines" (anon).
"A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool" (anon).
"A `No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a `Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - - Mahatma Gandhi
"The causes of events are always more important than the events themselves" (Cicero to Atticus).
"I never read a book before reviewing it. It prejudices a man so" (Sydney Smith).
On the debate as to who wrote Shakespeare's sonnets: "If they were not by Shakespeare, then they were by someone of the same name" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"In the field of observation, chance favours the mind that is prepared" (Pasteur).
"Reason cannot prevail where reason cannot penetrate" (Peter Quennell).
"A man seen searching for something under a street lamp was asked: "Are you sure you dropped it here?" "Oh no, I dropped it on the other side of the street, but there is more light here" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"In a sermon given by a Congregational minister: "If you have a spark of hope--water it."" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"In a sermon given by a naval chaplain at Dartmouth: "Just as an acorn grows into a great fir tree..."" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"You can tell what God thinks of money when you look at those to whom he has given it" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"Aniatorocte is the title of a volume of poems by the Rev. Clarence Walworth. It is a word borrowed from the Indian and should, we think, be returned to them as soon as possible" (from a review by Oscar Wilde in the Pall Mall Gazette).
"True equality exists in the treatment of unequal things unequally" (Aristotle).
"It is a secret in the Oxford sense. You may tell it to only one person at a time" (Lord Franks).
"In Blairgowrie Jock asked a Scot in the road where he could find a bookshop: "Och but we're ne'er so up in the world for a thing like that"" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"The head cannot take in more than the seat can endure" (Winston Churchill on long speeches).
"The only reason why some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory" (Paul Fix).
"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few" (George Bernard Shaw).
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about" (Charles Kingsly).
"The wider our experience, the deeper our tolerance"--on a calendar (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"Art begins with craft, and there is not art until craft has been mastered" (Anthony Burgess).
"Winston Churchill was once referred to as a pillar of the Church. "No, no," he replied, "not a pillar of the Church but a buttress, supporting it from the outside"" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"We trained hard; but it seems that every time we were beginning to form into a team we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization" (Titus Petronius).
"Voltaire on his deathbed was advised to renounce the devil. He replied: "Now is not the time to make enemies"" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"From a speech in the House of Lords: "A red herring that won't hold water"" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"People say life is the thing, but I prefer reading" (Logan Pearsall Smith).
"Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts" (Jeffrey Robinson).
"Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes" (Will Rogers).
"Experience should tell us that secrecy is the handmaiden to bad government" (Peter Kellner, The Independent).
"To be ignorant of what occured before you were born is to remain a child forever" (Cicero).
"Lord Chesterfield on sex: "The expense is damnable, the pleasure momentary and the position ludicrous"" (John G. Murray, A Genteman Publisher's Commonplace Book).
"If you destroy leisure, you destroy civilization" (John Kenneth Galbraith).
"When words lose their meaning, people lose their freedom" (Confucius).
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." (Napoleon Bonaparte, 1769-1821)
"His ignorance is encyclopedic" (Abba Eban, 1915- )
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." (Soren Aabye Kierkegaard, 1813-1855)
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." (Albert Einstein, 1879-1955)
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." (Galileo Galilei)
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." (e e cummings, 1894-1962)
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." (Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826)
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." (Martin Luther King Jr., 1929-1968)
"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense." (Edsgar Dijkstra)
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg" (Bjarne Stroustrup)
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into thereoms." (Paul Erdos)
"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." (Arthur Schopenhauer, 1788-1860)
"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life." (Frank Zappa)
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." (Isaac Asimov)
"I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means." (Clarence Darrow, Scopes trial, 1925).
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." (Henry Ford, 1863-1947)
"I'll sleep when I'm dead." (Warren Zevon)
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." (Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970)
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." (Socrates, 470-399 B.C.)
"The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows." (Aristotle Onassis, 1906-1975)
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." (Albert Einstein, 1879-1955)
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." (Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970)
"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." (Yogi Berra)
"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small." (Henry Kissinger, 1923- )
"I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking." (Katherine Cebrian).
"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it." (Steven Wright)
"The covers of this book are too far apart." (Ambrose Bierce, 1842-1914)
"Vote early and vote often." (Al Capone, 1899-1947)
"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example." (Mark Twain, 1835-1910)
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone." (Al Capone, 1899-1947)
"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure." (Ross MacDonald, 1915-1983)
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." (Mark Twain, 1835-1910)
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." (Woody Allen, 1935-)
"Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives." (Abba Eban, 1915- )
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest." (Mark Twain, 1835-1910)
"A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar." Lao-Tzu, 570?-490? BC)
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." (Alan Kay)
"Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century" (Perelman).
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." (Edmund Burke, 1729-1797)
"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!" (Will Rogers, 1879-1935)
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" (Will Rogers, 1879-1935)
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." (Mark Twain, 1835-1910)
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." (Benjamin Franklin, 1706-1790)
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." (Yogi Berra)
"He would make a lovely corpse." (Charles Dickens, 1812-1870)
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." (Irvin S. Cobb)
"I worship the quicksand he walks in." (Art Buchwald)
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." (Mark Twain, 1835-1910)
"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction." (General Douglas MacArthur, 1880-1964)
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." (Mark Twain, 1835-1910)
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." (Wernher Von Braun, 1912-1977)
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." (Albert Einstein)
"For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong" (H. L. Mencken).
"Where all think alike, no one thinks very much" (Walter Lippmann).
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. (anonymous e-mail)
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. (Chinese proverb)
"Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority" (Thomas Huxley).
"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent" (Napoleon Bonaparte).
"Seek the company of those who are looking for the truth, but run from those who have found it" (Vaclav Havel).
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people" (unknown, quoted on Dog Think-L, 2-4-04).