"I am reminded of the three Boy Scouts who reported to their scoutmaster that as their good deed for the day they had helped an old lady across the street. 'That's fine,' said the scoutmaster, 'but why did it take three of your?' 'Well,' they explained, 'she didn't want to go'" ("Letters." The Nation, May 31, 2004: 2).

Two ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been friends all their lives. It seems that Sam is dying, so Moe comes to visit him.

"Sam," says Moe, "You know how we have both loved showing and then judging dogs all our lives. Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you go, somehow you've got to tell me if there's dog shows in heaven."

Sam looks up at Moe from his death bed and says, "Moe, you've been my friend many years. This favor I'll do for you."

And with that, Sam passes on. It is midnight a couple nights later. Moe is sound asleep when a distant voice calls out to him, "Moe.... Moe...."

"Who is it?" says Moe sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Moe, it's Sam."

"Come on. You're not Sam. Sam died." "I'm telling you," insists the voice. It's me, Sam!"

"Sam? Is that you? Where are you?"

"I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got some good news and some bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.

"The good news," says Sam "is that there are dog shows in heaven."

"Really?" says Moe, "That's wonderful! What's the bad news?"

"You're judging next Saturday"

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

(hang on, this is really good......)

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

(Source unknown, email, 1/21/05)

Colby Glass, MLIS